A year ago today I was thrilled to have only three days of work left; I was as big as a house and was worried that the baby would come early and Chris would still be at work.
Photos from our Maternity Photo shoot with Caitlin Cleveland Photography.
Fast forward a year. . .
I vacuumed and washed my floors; I tidied and put away the various baby gadgets and gizmos that were strewn all over my house and I packed Henry’s bag for his first day at his day home.
Tonight as I packed his bag I felt excited for him knowing that he’ll have fun and meet new friends but I also felt terrified at the prospect of being away from him.
Over the last few weeks my anxiety about returning to work and sending Henry to day home has steadily increased. I thought a year at home would feel like such a long time but honestly it’s gone by so fast. I think part of the anxiety is thinking about going back to my old life when I don’t feel like my old life exits anymore. While I don’t feel like I’ve completely lost myself to mommy hood I do feel like my priorities have really shifted. It’s a constant balancing act – taking care of H to the best of our abilities; the day-to-day house work/cooking; and trying to fit in time grown-up time. I feel like during my year off I’ve done a good job of balancing these three and I’m terrified of adding work into the mix. Before Henry I used to go in to work early, stay late and sometimes work on the weekends. This will no longer be an option and more than that honestly don’t want to do it! What little time I’ll have with Henry I want to be there and present with him.
Over the last few weeks I’ve had a few melt downs, and I’m sure I’ll have many more over the coming weeks as I adjust to life as a working mom but I’m told it gets easier. Thankfully for us I don’t return to work until after the long weekend so I will have two days at home while Henry is at day home to run, go to the gym, cook, clean and try to wrap my head around the changes coming our way.
I feel so grateful to have had a year at home with him and feel very lucky to be his mom. He’s taught me a lot and I wouldn’t trade our time together for anything! Tonight as I have my nightly cup of tea I’m going to try re-focus my anxiety and instead think about all of the good memories from the past year and how lucky we are to have such a kind, funny and dynamic little man in our lives.
Photos by Caitlin Cleveland Photography
Wish us luck tomorrow! I’m planning a long run right after I drop him off to help distract me. I’ll let you know how it goes 😉